If I tried, I couldn’t make up a story like this. First, there was the problem, then, there was the solution, and now comes the comedy. I hope you’re wearing your laughing pants.

Catching everyone up to date quickly:

• Google Adsense technical gitch screwed up my address change for a month
• The check is already six weeks overdue per Google’s schedule
• I chatted with them via email for a week
• Result, I must wait until the check is redeposited in my Adsense account and whatever monthly check issuing cycle that hits is when I get a new check sent out (maybe July, maybe August)
• I blogged about the experience
• Matt Cutts from Google stopped by, tipped his white hat and passed the case to someone in Adsense management
• A day later my check was sent via FedEx

So, today I go to cash the check. I’m standing at the teller window, and realize, gee – this is taking a long time. She looks up at me and says, “There aren’t sufficient funds in the account to cover your check.” *stunned silence* I say, “Excuse me, could you repeat that?” She does. My reaction?

<font-style:”small>Historical Reenactment

First, denial and disbelief. I say, “Are you sure? Do you know who Google is? You’re kidding me, right?” She says she does know who Google is, but that this particular account doesn’t have enough funds to cover my check. I’m too stunned to move. I look down at the check handled back to me and look back up at her confused.

Next, shock and awe. I say to the teller, “How does a gazillionaire company like Google have a bank account with so little money in it?” She laughs. I laugh. What else is there to do?

Finally, the teller suggests I call someone. I stare at my mobile phone realizing I don’t have any numbers for any of the people I’ve spoken to at Google. She says, “Call the number on the check.” Great idea! So, I do.

It’s the main inbound number at Google. The Voicemail Lady and I have an exchange. You all know her voice.

Voicemail Lady: If you know the extension of the person you’d like to reach, dial it now followed by the pound sign.

Me: Nope, I don’t know any extension numbers.

Voicemail Lady: Press 8 to dial by name.

Me: Great! Pressing 8. *whistling to myself a bit*

Voicemail Lady: Please enter the first few letters of the last name.

Me: Hmmmmm, Brian the payments operations guy probably won’t work as a name in this system. That’s the result of Google’s employee privacy policy. I don’t know the guy’s last name. I know, Matt Cutts! Surely, Matt can get me transfered to Brian the payments operations guy or someone else. I type in Cutts.

Voicemail Lady: Please enter more characters.

Me: More characters for his last name? Or should I start on his first name, now? I’ll do both alternatively until some combo works.

Voicemail Lady: Please enter more characters.

Me: Entering Cutts, Matt.

Voicemail Lady: That userid is not valid. Goodbye.

So, finally I get over the enter more characters hurdle and hear what I believe was Matt’s voice – sternly.

Matt: This voicemail box is not active. It is not checked on a regular basis. Do not leave messages in this voicemail box. Beep.

So, I call back having heard an option given by the Voicemail Lady for customer service.

Voicemail Lady: For customer service/technical help press 5.

Me: I’m so there!

Voicemail Lady: (gives options 1 & 2) Press 3 for all other questions.

Me: Done.

Voicemail Lady: As Google does not currently authorize customer support, please see our website.

Me: Doh!

Google sent me a bad check! Now what?

I’m sure this is a result of someone trying to do something outside the normal and timed operations of this huge monolithic organization, but still…. WTF?